Clowning Around
by Booksarelife9
Summary: Just your typical reborn in One Piece SI. Or is it? One girl's life is changed by a R.O.B. with way too much free time. One moment she is eating leftover pizza and writing fanfiction, and another moment she wakes up to laughter and a big red nose. HUH? Also, it may become rated M in future chapters! Who knows what I'll do! *rubs hands together while scheming*
1. Chapter 1

**Clowning Around**

 **Okay, this is my first time writing fanfiction, so I make no promises about the quality and quantity of it. Yes, I know SI stories can be overrated, but like my character, I am writing to get over Ace's death. Get over it. I am very inexperienced with writing and how to navigate this website so please take good care of me. *bow* If anyone would like to Beta, I will gladly accept help. Also, I only own my OC. I, obviously, do not own One Piece. I have not decided whether to continue with the story so please review and tell me what you think. :)**

Chapter 1

 _I am fine. Yep, totally and completely fine. This doesn't affect me in the least bit. I am strong and unshakeable. I am a mountain… I am strong.. I am strong.. I AM NOT STRONG._

I slowly get up from the couch and make an excuse to my dad. I keep a straight face and walk up the stairs into my room. I close the door and take a deep breath. No one will disturb me now.

The dam bursts, and ugly tears pour down my face, but I try to stay silent so no one will hear me.

 _Why? Why did that idiot have to die? I know he's not real, but it still hurts like a little bitch that he died._

I finally reached the end of the Marineford arc in One Piece, and it was no surprise that I was _not_ happy. I have avoided this arc for years and for good reason. Namely, I am Ace fangirl. I have always been a fan of Luffy and his brother, and I have known for a long time that Ace dies at Marineford. Denial has been my best friend for the past few years, but I finally decided it was time for me to move on and get to the next arc. (No help from my brother in that department since he is more rational than I am and has already gotten over it.)

Let's just say it's easier said than done. Something tells me I won't be able to move on for a while. I still can't believe after watching it with my own eyes that he dies. God, I need fanfiction. I quickly pull out my phone and refresh the page showing the list of recently updated fanfiction. Nothing. _Ugh, at this point I would even take ZoSan fluff! Please someone update!_ I refresh the page again, but it still shows nothing new. _Looks like you have to do it yourself!_

Until today, I have only read fanfiction but that is about to change. My emotions are high, and my need to escape is even higher.

Don't get me wrong. I am actually much farther along in my denial than you think. Despite this being my first time writing a fanfiction, it is not the first time I have entertained the idea of writing one. I have never been lacking in the imagination department. My real problem is the inspiration and motivation to write more than a few pages. I also have another problem… I actually hate writing. I'd rather read than write any day.

I know it's funny. Why would I be _writing_ if I hate writing in the first place? Simple. Desperation. My imagination can only go so far before I hit a dead end and I can't go any farther. It's like this wall that is keeping me from accessing the rest of the story. Quite frankly, it is _very_ annoying. It's like watching a movie, and suddenly, it just stops. Um, excuse me? I want to watch the movie, please? My theory is that I need to write everything down first before I can access the rest. Who knows? There lies the problem. I have never written to the end of my imagination. I have always stopped before getting there and never continued. See how frustrating this is for me?

Today, I am determined to reach the end. No breaks. I will not stop until this is finished, but before I start, I'll be needing to get some food, so I don't have to do it when I'm in the zone.

I wipe the tears and snot off of my face with a dry towel that I hadn't tossed into the laundry basket yet and take my computer out of the drawer I hid it in. I look around on the floor for the charger, plug it in, and turn it on. I tiptoe around my messy room and open my door. My room is small _and_ messy, and it would be difficult to navigate around if I wasn't experienced. I take a quick look into my mirror and quickly assess my face. _Good thing my eyes don't look red. My glasses must be covering any discoloration cuz my nose is obviously red._

Thankfully, I hadn't cried for long so my nose wasn't bright red, and it only took me a few seconds before it turned back into its normal color. I nod at my reflection and open the door to my room. I look down the hallway. Hopefully, my mom won't notice me. My mom is very observant, and I would hate for her to notice dried tears on my face or something else I might have missed. I stop and turn around to pause my music. I really liked the song that was playing, and I didn't want it to be over by the time I came back. I try to leave my room again and notice I'm only wearing my very revealing undershirt and shorts. I grab a random black shirt and pull it over my head.

 _That was close._

It turns out that I had chucked off my shirt the moment I entered my room. It's a bad habit of mine, and it would've gotten my mom's attention the moment I entered her field of vision. I swear sometimes she's like a hawk.

I internally chuckle when I think of Mihawk and my mother having a staredown. I would like to think more about that, but I don't have the time. I am already getting hungry, and I need some food pronto dente.

By the time I was done reheating some leftover pizza and came back into my room, I could feel my inspiration draining away.

 _Phew, that was close! I almost lost it!_

I take a bite of pizza and turn my music back on before tapping a button on my laptop to light up the screen. My phone buzzes. I ignore it and login into my computer. I open a word document. My phone won't stop buzzing. I sigh and put down my food.

 _Let's just turn it off. I can listen to music on my laptop._

I lick my fingers and wipe them on my arm before grabbing my phone. I take a quick look at the screen to look at what is causing my phone to buzz so often.

 _Oh, it's my messaging app. It's probably Hannah wanting to talk to me again._

Hannah is one of my best friends so I quickly unlock my phone and open the app. Hannah, unlike me, needs to talk and hang out quite often. Despite my love for silence and alone time, I would never ignore her. That's what friends are for, right?

I look through the app, and I quickly grow confused. _Who is this?_

At the top of my list, there is the person who messaged me. His first name is the only thing listed: Rob.

 _Huh, maybe it's my Uncle Rob._

I click on the name and look through the messages sent to me.

 **Rob: Hey**

 **Rob: I hear u like One Piece**

 **Rob: Would you go there if u could?**

 _Huh, I wonder who told him. My mom probably told my aunt who told my uncle because I keep stealing the tv to watch it._ I quickly type a response.

 **Me: As much as I would loooove to go, I am waaaaaaay to weak to survive and I'm not smart enough to make up for how weak I am.**

 **Rob: But what if u were? What would u do there?**

 **Me: If I could, I would save Ace and everyone else who needs it like Corazon or Bellemere. If I couldn't, I would try to join the Strawhats of course! :D It's the dream of every fangirl or fanboy to join them! XD**

 _Oops, I'm going into too much detail. I am nerding out too much._

 **Rob: Lol**

 **Rob: Even if it meant u couldn't come back home?**

 **Me: Yeah. I'd be sad to leave Mom and Dad and my brother and my cat and everything I've ever known but if I could save even one person, I'd be happy! ^u^ 3**

 **Rob: Even if that meant u had to die first to get there?**

I looked at my phone in shock. This is getting creepy.

 **Me: Is this a prank cuz this isn't funny**

 **Me: You're creeping me out**

 **Me: Who is this? I thought you were my uncle but it's obvious now that you aren't**

 **Rob: Answer my question and this will all be over**

 _Holy shit that sounds ominous! What if this guy is a killer?! Best to answer no!_

 **Me: No**

 **Rob: You're lying**

 **Rob: You shouldn't lie to me**

 **Me: You're scaring me**

 **Rob: Don't worry**

 **Rob: This will be quick**

My breathing gets faster, and I try to get up, but my heart suddenly seizes up. I clutch at my chest, and darkness quickly swallows my vision.


	2. Chapter 2

**Many thanks to everyone who either followed or favorited my story or my account. The first thing I did when I saw my first follower was my victory screech. You can imagine what happened when someone favorited it. Victory screeches to everyone who is reading this right now! Also, if you have any suggestions feel free to leave a review or PM me! I might be updating this chapter later because I had an idea that I needed to incorporate into this late last night but alas! I forgot what it was! *sob sob* And unfortunately, I may never remember what it was, so I decided to upload this chapter anyways! Think of it as a special thanks to my readers! If anyone wants to help me out with my story, I will gladly accept help! Even just telling me what you think of the story or ask questions will help! I want this to be the best it can be so-OH SHIT I JUST REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS! Hmm, I don't think I'll add that cuz it's already bad enough that my SI is dealing with so much that I think I'll give her a break! ( _A sigh is heard in another dimension_ ) More thanks to my readers cuz you just triggered my memory! My memory is really worth shit, so I'll probably remember something else I have to do later. *sigh* Hang in there, guys! Also, there will be a LOT of cursing in this fanfic because in reality, I curse a LOT! Just a fair warning to those who are not expecting me to say shit every five seconds because I really would be saying shit every five seconds! **

**To Ordas who reviewed: Yeah, I can't stop wishing the Marineford arc never happened! I can somewhat understand why Oda did what he did, but it doesn't hurt any less! Also, do you know how torturous it was to sit through dozens of episodes knowing exactly what happens?**

 **Also, I do not own One Piece! I only own my OCs!**

 **Let it begin!**

Chapter 2

For a long time, I think I am asleep. I feel warm and voices come in and out constantly. At first I thought I was dead, but it seemed that was unlikely since I hear a heartbeat. A _really_ loud heartbeat. _Okay, this is weird. Why am I warm? Why is my heart so loud?_ I try moving around, but I feel trapped. Okay, let's not panic. Stay calm. There has to be a reason for this. I stop moving around and take comfort in the warmth. I hear muffled voices. I try to kick the walls around me. The voices get louder, and I think I can make out something. _Sounds like two women._

"Wow, she's really kicking in there," I hear the loudest of the two voices claim.

"Oh, really? Let me feel," one of the voices say. I kick again hoping someone would help me out already.

"Wow, she's got some kick! Imagine what she'll be like when she's born," the voice laughs.

 _ **Wait, a goddamn second... Born?**_ I am beyond shocked. It takes me a few seconds to react. And by react, I mean faint. This shit is traumatizing. I am just glad I didn't freak out when I woke up. Nothing is more scary than freaking out and being unable to do anything about it.

 _I am so confused. The last thing I remember was that guy Rob talking about going into the world of One Piece and getting what I think was a heart attack. Does this mean I'm in the One Piece world? Oh God, I am stupid. His_ name _. Rob? Like R.O.B.? A random omnipotent being decided to kill me and bring me to another world? It can't be a coincidence. What are the chances that right before I die, I get creepy text messages about dying to go to another world. It sounds like a dream come true, but there's got to be a catch. (You know other than the fact that I have to be born again and the fact that I will never see my family again which by the way is like a suckerpunch to the gut) There was no warning, rules, or explanation. Something is fishy, but it looks like I won't be able to figure out what going on until I am born. If I_ am _in One Piece, I should go over what happens in the anime/manga, so I can be prepared just in case. God, can someone timeskip to the day I'm born already?_

All I can say right now is: _Thank God, I am not that claustrophobic or else I would have needed to abort my own life._

I don't know how long I've been inside my new mother, but it feels like forever. It could have been anything from days to weeks to months. All I know is that I'm getting kind of cramped in here. At least it gave me enough time to mourn my old family and life, but I am bored as hell and the only things I have to comfort myself are my memories of anime, my imagination, and most importantly the voice of my mother and the voices of the people from around her. Oh, and let's not forget the light! Ever since my eyes developed well enough, I can see light and even dim shapes now!

Despite my love for listening in on my mom's conversations, it has some serious drawbacks. Why? _Cuz my mom is a frickin_ _prostitute!_ How did I figure that out? _Maybe it's the constant moaning I always hear._ I may not have been the smartest person around when I was alive, but I was no idiot. At first, I was pretty traumatized. I mean it's one thing to always hear someone having sex. It's another to hear your _mom_ have sex all the time. Good thing I've always been good to adjusting to things or else I'd be a wreck by the time I was born. I hope I'll be able to leave this place before anyone can try to pimp me out. Does that even happen around here? I have no idea, but there is no way in hell that I am becoming a hooker. Period.

"Please Nesty think of the baby," I hear a male voice begging my mother.

"I told you not to call me that, Dad! My name is Rose now!" my mother snaps at him. Wow, drama. Somebody get me the popcorn. Oh wait… **I am still in the womb! I can't eat popcorn!**

"Okay, okay… Rose... please let your mother and I raise the baby," my apparent grandfather begged. _Oh shit, looks like I might get my wish. I hope he speaks louder though. I won't be able to hear him if he speaks any softer._

'No, Dad. I'm a big girl, and I can raise _my_ baby the way _I_ want," Mom says. _Dang, looks like I got my hopes up._

"But Rose raising a baby in a brothel is hardly-" Mom is having none of his shit and cuts him off.

"I told you once, and I'll say it again. No, Dad. I will be raising my baby myself. End of discussion," she declares with an edge.

 _Hmm, I wonder when I'm supposed to be born. It's getting kind of cramped in here!_

I feel a rocking motion and hear my mother groan. _What was that?_

"Oh God, I think my water just broke," my mom groans.

 _ **Wait, what?!**_

Many hours later, I am traumatized once again. God is so cruel. _Somebody tell the fucker who put me in this situation that he sucks ass!_

Since I was just born a few seconds ago, I can't open my eyes, but I'll never forget the first things I heard when I was born.

I heard laughter.

"Looks like we know who the father is now!" I hear someone laugh.

 _What's so funny?_ I don't like the sound of this.

"Look at her nose! Just like her father's!" I hear someone else laugh.

 _I have my father's nose? What's funny about that?_

"Here, let me hold her," my mom says softly. I feel my body shift, and I feel the warmth of my mother. _This is nice._ Suddenly my mom is laughing, too. _Can somebody strike what I said from the record?_

"You're right! She has his nose! I can't believe my poor baby is cursed with that idiot's nose!" my mom guffawed.

 _Great! Sounds like I'm either going to get a dad complex or a nose complex or worse! Both!_

"Should we send him a letter and tell him?" I hear someone ask.

"No way am I telling that idiotic pirate about this! It's already bad enough she is cursed with his nose! I don't want her to be cursed with his idiocy, too!" my mother exclaims. Everyone laughs at my mother's reply, but I'm not laughing. _**I need to see my nose.**_

I strain my eyes and flinch at the bright light, but I don't stop. My eyes aren't that well developed, but I can definitely see my nose. _My big fat red nose._ I can't help but cry at the sudden realization. My father is goddamn Buggy the idiotic clown.

 **I hate God.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't believe I already have 11 followers and 5 favorites! And not to mention the two reviews from Ordas! (My answer to your last review is two paragraphs below.) And 81 views? Seriously? I hope it's not because someone was checking to see if I updated yet, haha. (Sorry *Bepo voice*) It took me forever to finish this chapter! I wanted to do longer, but I had a feeling it would just be better to post it as it is. I'm actually surprised that I was able to finally finish this. I am the world's worst procrastinator. Will you be surprised by the ending? I was honestly. I have like 1,001 ideas for this, and it's hard to decide what to do. SO, this was basically decided when I got my claws on my laptop/phone and started writing. (Thank God for Google Docs! *someone is grumbling in another world*) Also, I'll try to finish faster chapters, but I don't recommend keeping your hopes up. I have college, and one of my classes _requires_ me to walk for a couple of hours, so most of my free time is doing various amounts of torture-I mean homework. (Don't even get me _started_ on my accounting homework!) When I do get a break, all I want to do is read fanfiction not write it, haha. And I JUST got volumes 61-63 so yeah... But I'll do my best for you guys! *pose towards the sun* OW! Another thing, I may be adding romance in the future to the story. I am a girl, and I will be surrounded by hot guys, so my character will try her best to snatch one up. I'm mentally young in the story, so I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I became Sanji or Lola levels of desperation or _worse_ by the time I reached canon! (Cuz like hell am I dating other children my body's age! I swear that's damn near pedophillic! As great of an advantage my mental age is, there is no way I'm taking advantage of poor kids like that although I can't promise I won't flirt! XD)**

 **In order to make up for my sloth, I'm going to upload a drawing I made of my character when she's a kid as the cover photo. It'll only be a colored headshot for now since I suck at drawing hands and feet. In the future, I'll might actually _finish_ it, but for now this is all you're getting, ok? Don't be greedy, shishishi!**

 **Ordas: I cried when Merry died, too. I'll try to save her as well! The first thing my character is going to when she can hold a pencil will be to write a list of people she needs to save. Also, I have no idea if I'll give her a devil fruit (everything is on the spur of moment), but I can tell you that my character would never _willingly_ eat a devil fruit. I love to swim, so the idea of trading that for a terrible tasting fruit does not tempt me. If the R.O.B. is feeling generous or dick-ish, he'll give her a power without the swimming limitations or have something bad happen where she will eat one.**

 **Which reminds me. I don't know what I should do for a weapon or fighting style. Suggestions would be nice because I have gone through multiple weapons, and I'm just not sure what to choose. Ex. Scythe, power suit, lightning gauntlets, plain fists (like Luffy), short swords, holy magic (like healing or purification), etc. I swear my head is a gigantic clusterfuck of ideas. *sob sob***

 **At the end of the story, I have a short conversation with my character, so read it if you like!**

 **Review what you think! If I made a mistake that you noticed, tell me about it! I hate rereading my work, so I tend to not read too deeply into my story (I admit I am lazy. Shut up. I really want a Beta now lol). _Or_ you can PM me! You guys are great to talk to so don't be afraid to contact me!**

 **Also, I own nothing but my own OCs.**

Chapter 3

Okay, I officially hate my father. No, check that. **I officially hate my mother's former client who was stupid enough to release his sperm into my mother.** _God, just look at that honker of a nose!_ I always thought girls who constantly worry about their nose to be stupid, but as of right now, I take it all back. Hell, I even feel sorry for Buggy when Luffy made fun of him when they first meet! (Although, he kinda deserved it.) Nothing kicks you in the balls quite like when someone insults your insecurities. Other than you know… someone actually kicking you in the balls and if I remember right that also happens to Buggy! I would feel sorry for the guy if I didn't hate his guts right now. Also, my own mother laughed at me, and I'm doing fine. I mean it hurt like hell, but last time I checked, I was the mental age of an adult (albeit a _very_ childish one). I'll still be bitter about it for the rest of my life (like I said, childish), but I'm not going to let it affect my plans!

The only good thing my _**sperm donor**_ has given me is his hair. Since I am newborn, I can't exactly get up and see the sparse bit of hair on my head, but thankfully for me, my mom and her friends really love to talk about me. _I never thought I'd think this, but thank god for baby-crazy women._ Apparently, other than my nose and hair, I look like my mom. _That's good cuz my mom is sexy! And, also, like hell do I want to look like a carbon copy like my father…_ I think with a mental scoff. My mom is a curvy bombshell of a woman with dark red hair and dark brown eyes. _Looks like I have brown eyes._ I mentally fist pump. In my last life, I had brown eyes as well so at least I'll _something_ familiar. _I hope I get an ass like my mom. My ass was pretty small in my past life… Maybe this is my chance to get an awesome ass worth flaunting! **Oh my God** , I'm starting to sound like my mom..._

 _I am going to kill that thought bubble before I can really think about it!_

 _Now that I have been born, I have to make the obvious choice on whether I should be a genius child or if I should wait until I'm older to show off my intelligence and pretend to be a normal child..._

 _Wow, that was easy!_ It took me a literal second to decide. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to save some of the characters from the story (especially Ace ahem), and my best chance to save them if I become a genius child and work hard to become stronger and smarter! Also, I'm sick and tired of doing nothing, and I want to go on an adventure as soon as possible. Normal children don't go on totally amazing adventures! It's the weird ones that seek it! And FYI, I've _always_ been weird. In my old world, I basked in my weirdness. In this world, I'll have to radiate it! _Somehow I don't think that will be hard..._

"Crystal! Stop struggling!" my mother scolds me. My mom is trying to change my diaper, and I am having _none of it._ At first, I was just trying to look at everything and anything with my now better eyesight. Now, I was just doing it to spite her. _What kind of mom gives her daughter a stripper name?! I will not answer to that name no matter what!_

Someone laughs. _Who is that? I can't see past Mom. It sounds male._

"Looks like you're having a hard time with the little one, eh?"

He finally enters my field of vision, and I see a man towering over me. _He looks like my mom..._

"Victor, stop laughing at me! You try changing her diaper!" my mom snapped at him.

 _Ah, his name is Victor! He must be Mom's brother! Yesterday, I heard Grandpa say he was coming into town to visit!_

My uncle looks like a male version of my mom but with dark hair. _I knew Mom's hair was dyed._ He looks down at me with a smile, and I find I instantly like him.

"With a name like Crystal, it's no wonder why she's struggling," Uncle Victor mused.

I can't help but giggle at my uncle's findings. _He hit the mark!_

"Look! She agrees with me!" my uncle laughs and tickles me. I can't help but laugh at his incessant tickling. My mom takes the opportunity to finish changing my diaper.

"I told you that you didn't have to come visit me, Victor, but I guess Dad hoped you would convince me to give them the baby," Mom grouched.

Uncle Victor looked at me thoughtfully before he replies.

"Naaaaaaah," Victor drawls then laughs. I can't help but laugh, too.

"Looks like your daughter is smart enough to have a sense of humor," Victor smiled at me. "I'm going to call her… Chieko!"

"What?!" my mother screeches.

I raise my arms toward my uncle and do that adorable giggling thing babies do so he'll pick me up. He starts cooing at me and gently picks me up.

"See? She likes it!" my uncle triumphantly states.

"No! Her name is Crystal! End of discussion!" my mom says while trying to take me back from my uncle, but the moment she touches me, I start to cry. I am not proud of what I am doing, but it has to be done. _I am not spending my new life with a name like Crystal! Nope! Nope!_ _ **Nope!**_

"Aw, look! You made her cry! It's ok, Chieko! We won't call you Crystal anymore, right _Rose?_ " my uncle grins at my mother.

My mother looks like she's about to argue, but I stare at her with tears in my eyes. She closes her mouth and sighs.

"Fine," my mother grumbles. "Her name from now on is Chieko. I swear she takes after you!" She leaves the room and before she leaves I hear her say, "Crystal is _not_ bad name."

Both me and my uncle cheer. _Thank God she didn't put up a fight. I've always hated crying._

"You know," my uncle stares at me, "you really are smart, though. I wonder just how smart you really are."

Normally, I'd sweatdrop, but I'm impatient. _Being confined inside a womb for months will do that to you._

I stick my tongue out at him and make a bleh face. His eyes widen and mouth drops open.

"Then… that crying was… fake?" he slowly asks.

I sigh. _Ugh, I can't wait until my teeth grow in._ I roll my eyes and nod. He lifts me until I am at eye level with me.

"Then you must be…" he whispered.

 _I nod. Yes, I am a reincarnated human! I don't care who knows! Somebody just give me something to read already! My brain is practically rotting from lack of use!_

"A changeling who swapped places with my sister's child! I knew my sister's child couldn't possibly be that smart! Where is she?" he yells at me.

 _A… a changeling? Seriously...? How thick can you get?_ I facepalm. _God, how did you mind jump to_ _ **changeling**_ _? (For those of you who don't know what that is, look it up!)_

He notices my facepalm.

"Wait, was that not it?" he asks confused.

I shake my head and groan. _God, how do I even explain without words?_

"Then… you really are my sister's biological child?" he sounds even more shocked.

 _I don't know why, but I feel even more annoyed._ I feel an angry tick mark on my forehead grow.

I nod and point at my crib. _Can you put me down now? I'm tired of being manhandled._

For once, he actually understands me and carefully places me inside my crib.

"If you are my sister's child… how are you so smart?" my uncles stares at me.

 _How do I explain this with only hand gestures..._

I decide to clasp my hands together as if I'm praying. _Dear R.O.B… this is fucking annoying!_

"Eh?! You mean… God did this?! Should I be bowing to you or something…?" he's starting to panic. I blankly stare at him and wave my hand from side to side. _As much as I would_ _ **love**_ _be to see my new uncle_ _ **bow before me,**_ _it would just end up causing problems for me later._

"Oh… well… is there anything I can do for you?" he scratches his head. Poor thing is having a tough time wrapping his head around this, but I brighten up. _Yes! Now I have the help of a reliable adult who understands!_

I pretend to open a book and flip the pages.

"Oh! You want a book! I'll see what I can get you right away, but I'll have to hold it for you since you're still so small, ok?" he smiles at me and turns to leave, but I let out a small _wah_ sound to get his attention.

"What is it?" he turns around and peers down at me. I curl a small finger at him, and he leans into the crib.

At first, I was just going to give him a kiss goodbye, but I've always been a bit of a trickster. Instead of giving him a kiss, I give him a good 'ole lick to the face that would have made any dog proud. Seeing him sputter and wipe his face makes me laugh so hard that he stops to stare at me before laughing right along with me.

"My sister was right! You _are_ more like me! If I didn't respect my sister's wishes, I'd kidnap you and raise you like my own!" he laughs.

 _Is that an option?_

* * *

I spent the next few weeks with my uncle, and _lemme tell ya,_ it was _great._ We were two peas in a pod _much to my mother's dismay._ In fact, I probably spent more time with my uncle than my mom due to her _ahem_ work. (Not that it matters much since I'm mostly sleeping.) My mom's work caused her to be awake most of the night, so she tended to sleep in the morning. Thankfully, my uncle took a break from his job to help take care of me. I'm kind of curious what his job is, but it's not like I can ask.

Right now, he is taking me out for a picnic _which I appreciate. I wish he wouldn't eat that sandwich in front of me, though. I miss eating solid foods~_

"Hey, Chieko, I'm going to head over there to go to the bathroom, okay? Can you handle being by yourself for a minute?" my uncle asks while holding himself. _Looks like someone forgot to go earlier._

I point at myself and the spot I'm sitting at and cock my head to the side. _Why are you leaving me here?_

"You may be a baby, but you obviously don't have mind of a baby, and I don't want you to see me take a piss, okay?"my uncle rolls his eyes.

I sigh and nod. I shoo him away and look around at the meadow my uncle had taken me to.

When my uncle wasn't around, the only thing I could do with this tiny body at first was roll around and look like a flailing drunk turtle. I tried singing, but it just made my mom worry about me _while she's working in the next room._ One time, I was singing while she working, and she ran into my room _naked._ God, I'm starting to regret being reborn. If my uncle wasn't totally the greatest and coolest, I would start going crazy or you know, be dead. Most people would see me as a freak and a monster, but my uncle sees me as God's gift, literally. I saw him praying over me once when he thought I was sleeping. I'd find it creepy, but it's better than him calling me a witch and burning me at the stake so I'll deal with it for now. Hell, maybe I can use it to my advantage later on.

Now, I have almost mastered crawling. It's pretty hard since I am _so_ weak and most of the day I'm sleeping, but I am pretty stubborn. I can't just lay around in this life. I need to work my ass off if I want to reach my goals. Speaking of my goals, I need to write down some of the stuff I remember from One Piece soon before I forget. My brother scolded me for researching too much on One Piece (especially the arcs I haven't even watched yet), but I can't help but thank my curiosity. And fanfictions. They are full of spoilers, haha. Not that I ever minded considering it took me so long to finally finish the Marineford arc, and I was bored as hell re-reading the arcs before it. My brother just told me to skip the arc if I was having such a hard time, but I refused. It's funny how much I was a hardass about skipping canon, but I obviously didn't care about spoilers.

 _Now that I think about it, I should ask my uncle for a newspaper. I need to see what has happened so far, so I can see what I can do to help everyone._ I nod to myself.

Wait, where was I? I was mentally narrating so hard that I forgot my point, haha. I've always had a habit of getting lost in my thoughts. I swear I need to stop narrating so often it's not like I'm in some of kind of fanfiction where I need to narrate, haha.

I shudder. I just felt something weird. I wonder what that was.

I see something flutter overhead. I look up and see a butterfly flying across my head. I stare at with wonder.

 _It's been so long since I've seen a butterfly._

I start to tear up, but I wipe my tears away. _I'm not crying over a fucking butterfly._

The butterfly flies around me, and I laugh as I imagine it is dancing.

I feel slightly cooler as I see a shadow cover the area where I am sitting. I look behind me expecting to see my uncle, but what I see isn't my uncle. It's a big man smiling at me. A man I don't know. _**Stranger danger! Stranger danger!**_

"Aren't you a little cutie? Are you going to make a fuss if I try to pick you up?" he smiles down at me and tries to pick me up.

I scream as loud as I can, and he frowns. He picks me up, holds me in one arm, and runs away from the meadow. I try to scream even louder, but he covers my mouth with his hand. I lick his hand, hoping he'll uncover my mouth but he clamps his hand harder over my mouth.

 _ **Uncle Victor, help me!**_

* * *

The man who had taken me had run into town and entered a old ragged building. How was I? Well, I wasn't crying, but if he wasn't covering my mouth, I'd be hyperventilating. I'd never been involved in any major crimes back in my world, so I am not handling this well. I don't have any way of self-defense. I don't even have teeth to bite!

 _Uncle Victor better haul ass and get over here quick!_

"I got her!" the man holding me yelled.

 _So this was premeditated… Okay, this is steadily getting worse! Is this how the rest of my life going to be?!_

"Good job! Now that we got her, let's see if the rumor is true!"

 _Uh... rumor? What rumor?_

"I've already seen it! I even heard her uncle say, 'You may be a baby, but you obviously don't have mind of a baby'!" the man said excitedly.

"Really?! So the rumor _was_ true!" I hear someone cheer.

"Wait," the leader stopped the cheering.

 _I have a bad feeling about this._ I sweatdrop.

He takes me from my captor and looks me straight in the eye.

"Are you truly a child of God?" The man says very seriously.

 _Huh?_ My face turns blank before my eyes pop out of my head. _Where did they hear that from… GODDAMMIT, VICTOR! I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!_

I don't even know how to respond. _I don't think he'll hurt me if I say yes, but I really don't want to say yes._ I sweatdrop and look away from his searching eyes.

Suddenly, it's shining bright. I think it's coming from me, but I can't tell. I feel a sharp burning on my hands and feet. I think I'm screaming. Babies are very sensitive to pain, so I can say _it hurt like a little bitch_!

It finally stops. I look at my hands, and there are dimly glowing crosses in my hands.

 _What the fuck?! This isn't Legend of Zelda! You can't just put glowing crosses on me!_

To my despair, they don't fade away or anything. In fact, they glow a little brighter.

 _FUCK!_

"This child truly is a gift from God! Praise be to the Lord!" the man holding me yells. Everyone repeats the last line, and they all bow before me. The man is holding me like frickin' Simba from Lion King.

I shed silent tears, and I can only think one thing:

 _God truly is an asshole._

* * *

 **Chieko: Yay! I have a new name! BY THE WAY, AUTHOR-SAN WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!**

 **Me to me: Wouldn't that mean I'm a masochist? *looks toward the camera***

 **Chieko: I don't care if we are both the same person! I am me, and you are you! AND YOU LIKE TORTURING ME! *sob sob* TToTT**

 **Me: Well, with happiness, there must be pain, and I want you to bring happiness to others. Understand?**

 **Chieko: Well, when you say it like that...**

 **Me: And, also, it's too boring when you're happy all the time. MWHAHAHAHA :D**

 **Chieko: You're worse than that R.O.B. QAQ He dropped me off into another world without an explanation or a cool power!**

 **R.O.B.: Keep complaining and I'll put a cross on your nose.**

 **Chieko: *falls to the ground, depressed* Why does everyone find my pain to be amusing?**

 **R.O.B. & Me: We're assholes. We thrive off the pain of others. ._.**

 **Chieko: Author-san, if you are me, then why I am not an asshole?**

 **Me: Because unlike the other asshole, I survive well enough on petty things. Example: when someone takes the last slice of pizza and they burn their tongue on it. You haven't noticed your asshole-ness because it's natural to you, and you haven't had the opportunity to rediscover it. And besides I think everyone has the capability to be an asshole to someone else. R.O.B. doesn't have any sense of morality since being all-powerful is really boring.**

 **R.O.B.: Hey!**

 **Me: *looks at him* Name one time that you have done something nice for someone in the last _year_.**

 **R.O.B.: ...I'm going to give Chieko a power!**

 **Chieko: Really?! :D**

 **R.O.B.: Maybe...**

 **Chieko: T_T**

 **Me: I rest my case. *bangs gavel***

 **Chieko: I hate you both.**

 **Me: In a way, aren't we all the same-**

 **Chieko: NO! SHUT UP AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE VIEWERS!**

 **Me: Fine... *grumbles* Bye guys! See ya next time! ^v^**

 ***edit*: I found a mistake that I made in the story when I was looking over it to remember a few facts that I had placed in this chapter, so I decided to correct it when I saw it! The next chapter is coming out soon, so hang in there! Also, I got a friend of mine to Beta the story, so she'll be getting a chance to talk to Chieko at the end of the next chapter with me and the R.O.B. ! (How in the hell do you put an exclamation point after an abbreviation *grumble grumble* Writing grr *grumble grumble*) You can thank her for reminding me to stop watching One Piece and start writing again! Until then, see you guys later! :D**


	4. ANNOUNCEMENT

Dear fans,

I am very sorry about the late update. I am a terrible procrastinator, and it's been hard to motivate myself to opening my laptop to get everything finished, and now I have really bad news for everyone.

Right as I was about to be finished with my latest chapter (I wrote a bit last night and finished planning for the rest of the chapter), I must have accidently deleted it or something. I have no idea how I did it, seriously. (I'm one of those people who somehow fuck things up and no one can figure out how I did it.) So, bad news is that I HAVE TO REWRITE EVERYTHING! Good news is that it shouldn't take _nearly_ as long as before but still... I HAD LIKE 5 PAGES AND COUNTING! (This is what I get for ambitiously trying to write a longer chapter...) I am beyond frustrated and pissed at myself. (Seriously, I'm still fuming after 30 minutes of raging) So, since I fucked up, I decided to give everyone a look at a conversation between me, Chieko, and _Sir Shitty God_ on the situation. I am very sorry you guys!

 **Sir Shitty God: HAHAHAHAHA**

 **Me: SHUT UP *throws laptop at Shitty God***

 **Sir Shitty God: B-But *laughing* you were almost done! A-And you somehow deleted EVERYTHING! Now you have to start from the very beginning! X'DDDDD**

 **Me: You don't think I know that?! *curled up on the ground, crying* WHYYYYYYYYY**

 **Chieko: It's okay. *pats my shoulder***

 **Me: C-Chieko? *looks up***

 **Chieko: At least you have time to fix things… *she pats me twice and smiles at me evilly and clutches my shoulder* LIKE THAT LAST PART IN THE CHAPTER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! *strangling me***

 **Me: B-But..! It's for the plot! W-we wanted to save everyone, remember? B-Besides don't blame me for everything and getting you in this shitty mess! Sir Shitty God started all of this, remember?!**

 **Sir Shitty God: *stops eating his fried squid* Hey! You could at least call me Lord Shitty God before putting the blame on me!**

 **Chieko: FIST OF LOVE! *punches me and Shitty God***

 **Us: OW!**

 **Chieko: Both of you are to blame for this mess! Jeez! Both of you are too irresponsible!**

 **Lord Shitty God : There! I changed it!**

 **Me: *punches Shitty God* Don't mess with my text, Shitty God!**

 **SG: Ow! You would think they would appreciate me more! I, mean, if it weren't for me, Chieko wouldn't be able to go on adventures!**

 **Chieko: So far, I haven't gone on a single adventure yet, though. -_-**

 **SG: Shhhhhhh *finger over Chieko's mouth* you're welcome ^w^ 3**

 **Chieko: -_- … *uppercuts him into next week***

 **Me: What distance! ^0^**

 **Chieko: Do you want one, too? *dark smile***

 **Me: N-Nope! I'm good!**

 **Chieko: That's what I thought! ^w^**

 **Me: W-Well, looks like we better end this segment before Chieko kills us, hehe…**

 **Everyone: See you guys, next time! ^w^**

 **Me: Also, a good forewarning… I may have to cut the chapter shorter that way I can give you guys** _ **something**_ **to look forward to soon... T.T Also, if you guys review questions or topics for Chieko, I add them into the next segment with Chieko! ^w^ *sobs in a corner, remembering how much she has to redo* S-See you guys, later! Wish me luck!**


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